Helper?

Did you know that the Bible says that the man that finds a wife has found a good thing?

 

Prov 18:22 He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.

Prov 19:14 House and wealth are an inheritance from fathers, but a prudent wife is from the Lord.

Prov 31:10-12 An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels. 11 The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. 12 She does him good and not evil all the days of her life.

Those verses together say that it's a good thing to have a wife, that wives are specifically a gift from God, and that a good wife will do her husband good all the days of her life....so much that his heart trusts that he'll always be safe around her.

 

It's pretty sobering to realize that not only is it possible to be a good thing to my husband, but that it's actually also a possibility to be a bad thing to not only him, but to our entire family.

Proverbs 14:1 The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish tears it down with her own hands.  

 

Wise Living As A Woman

Prov 24:3-4 By wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established; 4 And by knowledge the rooms are filled with all precious and pleasant riches.

 

The truly wise woman will realize that living out her purpose as an individual will make her more capable to live out her purpose as a wife.

 

Genesis 1:26-28 26 Then God said, “Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness; and let them rule over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the sky and over the cattle and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.” 27 God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. 28 God blessed them; and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth, and subdue it; and rule over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the sky and over every living thing that moves on the earth.”

God said that he made humans to bear the His image and likeness of God according to our gender role.  God wants humans to be a visible representatives of the invisible God as we live here on the earth.  Specifically, he wants males to act like males and females to act like females.  The two genders working together in harmony are going to be representing God in union in a very significant way. 

In addition, he wants us to duplicate that image by being fruitful and multiplying both physically and spiritually (to create more images and likeness of God).  As we rule creation we are exercising dominion on God’s behalf over the created world, governing on his behalf.

As I live out my purpose individually, it puts me in a better place to live out my purpose inside my marriage.


Being a True Helper

Man was then given a context in which to live out his purpose, the Garden God had created, but he could not live out his purpose well without a helper.

Gen 2 (excerpts)         

7 Then the Lord God formed man of dust from the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living being. 8 The Lord God planted a garden toward the east, in Eden; and there He placed the man whom He had formed. 9 Out of the ground the Lord God caused to grow every tree that is pleasing to the sight and good for food; the tree of life also in the midst of the garden, and the tree of the knowledge of good and evil…          

15 Then the Lord God took the man and put him into the garden of Eden to cultivate it and keep it. 16 The Lord God commanded the man, saying, “From any tree of the garden you may eat freely; 17 but from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat from it you will surely die.”                   

18 Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper (EZER) suitable for him.” 19 Out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the sky, and brought them to the man to see what he would call them; and whatever the man called a living creature, that was its name. 20 The man gave names to all the cattle, and to the birds of the sky, and to every beast of the field, but for Adam there was not found a helper suitable for him. 21 So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; then He took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh at that place. 22 The Lord God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man.

The word "ezer" in the Hebrew means to help or support, specifically in an area of need.  The Word "Ezer" is often used to speak about God, who acts on our behalf as a help in times of need.  Because of that we, as women, can understand that we have been given a unique opportunity to represent God to our husbands in the way that we carry out our role as helper.

 

Psalm 33:20 Our soul waits for the Lord; He is our help and our shield.

Psalm 70:5 But I am afflicted and needy; Hasten to me, O God! You are my help and my deliverer; O Lord, do not delay.

Psalm 28:7 The Lord is my strength and my shield; My heart trusts in Him, and I am helped. (Remember Prov 31:11!)

A husband and wife living out their purposes individually within the marriage display God’s glory best when they are functioning as a unified, synergistic team,  each according to their specific design and role. The husband was given the mission to lead in the mandate from God, and the wife was designed to help him accomplish that mission.  As women we are either helping our husband or hindering him in accomplishing his vision of living out the Creation Mandate. (Remember Prov 14:1!)

So with all of this in mind here are some questions to ponder:

1.  Are you helping your husband be a good leader or are you trying to take the lead? Can your husband trust you (Prov 31:11)?  (One of the effects of the fall on each gender is that guys tend to abdicate leadership and girls tend to take over in a manipulative way) 

2.  How are you helping him?  Does he experience your “help” as help?  (Ask him!)

3.  In what ways might you be hindering him?  (There are dangers in each ends of the two extremes.  We can either be laissez-faire or manipulative.)

4.  How are you training/mentoring the next generation of women to understand their role as “helpers”?

In future blog posts, we're going to be exploring all sorts of different ways we can be good helpers to our husbands in many of the different areas of Biblical Priorities:

            1.  Relationship with God

            2.  Relationship with Spouse

            3.  Relationship with children / parents

            4.  Relationship with other believers

            5.  Relationship with non-believers

            6.  Work

            7.  Rest

If you have ideas or questions about how to be a real helper in any of these areas be sure to email me.  I want the info in these blogs to be very practical.

I really want my husband to agree with God that he found a good thing when he found me.  In moments when I really just want to be a big jerk I remember what God said in Prov 18:22.   Sometimes it's not easy to know what is helping and what is hurting, because sometimes helping is fun and sometimes helping is painful (for him and / or me).   But no matter how hard it is to do what's right, I want to be a good thing for my husband.  As I learn more and more how to be an appropriate helper I think it is a good thing for my husband.   I hope your husband thinks of you as a good thing too!